music i can't listen to because of throw up 🤢🎧🎼

+ a sneak peek into the branding for my new personal project! 🌷

Jul 14, 2023

it’s friday, thrower uppers, and all i could say is that i put some trader joe’s hot honey on cauliflower and miso on brussels sprouts (among other spices, of course) and they’re both delectable!

kidding, there are other things i could say in addition to my new food fixations.

this week went by pretty quickly for me, i don’t know why though. perhaps it’s because i was busy (which is always a good thing).

whenever i write my recap of the week i scroll through my camera roll to remember what i was up to. we had some family visit over the weekend through tuesday and it was really nice! i truly love hosting people in my home.

i’m working on some behind the scenes stuff for my personal project, colors that are good friends and i’m really excited about it! i’ll insert a photo below to show you some initial sketches (perks of being a subscriber!!!!)👇

i’m nowhere near done, but this is a start and i’m really into it!

anyways, i’m really enjoying this process of creating!!! i have fun plans in store for this personal project and i’m stoked for y’all to follow along ☻

now, for the title of today’s episode (i can’t believe this is the 14th one!):

music i can't listen to because of throw up 🤢🎧🎼

if you’re anything like me (emetophobic), it’s really easy to remember everything you ate, wore, and listened to on the specific day you threw up. i’m able to recall every detail of that day at the drop of a freaking hat! it kind of gives savant energy.

my memory of vomit dates back to the third grade. i vividly remember the music i was listening to at the time: it was the beatles, abbey road. the beatles were a household staple growing up. my parents have phenomenal taste in music and i am forever grateful to them for raising me (and my 3 younger siblings) with good ass music. i loved abbey road so much, it was on repeat during every car ride.

unfortunately, i happened to get a stomach flu during that era of listening to the album and it is now forever tainted for me. specifically, the songs “come together”, “something”, “maxwell’s silver hammer” and “carry that weight” remind me of that time. even writing this right now, searching the album on spotify, and even seeing the song titles is difficult for me. i get anxious thinking that if i listen to these songs, vomit is imminent. i know this might sound crazy to most of you, but for me, it’s so normal.

historically and statistically speaking, have i ever gotten sick because i listened to the same songs as i did the day i actually got sick? no. i hate to use the word ‘trigger’ because it’s so overused, but these songs quite literally trigger my OCD and anxiety around throw up.

of course, on the flip side, there are certain albums and songs that bring me back to some of my fondest memories!

there are definitely more songs that i could dig up from the depths of my crazy brain, but i’ll spare you. wait — actually, another few songs that i have a hard time listening to are: “electric love” by BØRNS, “never gets old” by penguin prison, and “pumpin blood” by NONONO, but not because i was sick. my husband and i went on a cruise about 8 years ago (my first cruise - hated it) and he drank a bit too much and vomited quite literally WHILE i was listening to these songs. i really liked these songs at the time lol. (i asked my husband for permission to share this story and he agreed, solely for science.)

many years later, through therapy and my own personal goals, i occasionally force myself to listen to the songs that are difficult for me to listen to (exposure therapy at its finest). not once have i thrown up from listening to the songs, but it still remains something i grapple with. if i’m in a car with other people and they have aux (a gen-z way of saying their phone is plugged into the auxiliary cable, thus controlling the vibe), i won’t tell them to switch the song if it’s a triggering one for me. i used to do that, but now i’m able to sit with the discomfort and ride it out.

my hope is that i get to a point where listening to certain music won’t set off something in my brain to make me think i’m going to get sick. i’m so much better than i used to be, but i’m still working on it!

i hope that this resonated with at least some of you! as always, feel free to leave a comment sharing your experiences around this topic and if you’re struggling with anything emetophobia (or phobia) related, i am more than happy to help in any way i can ♥️

some things that inspired me this week: